Re(evolution)

Every day I grow braver,
each moment brings me closer,
to the heat
from the fire in your eyes

when I first saw you,
all the tumbling digits
within me
fell into place.
I opened wide

I did not wait for you with patience
I sought you with
calculated determination
like a heat seeking missile.

I frightened myself

This isn't quiet love

Not wine and candlelight
But bonfires and firefights
(Explosions in the sky)

Kingdom come

pulled in a thousand directions
taunt tight-rope
toss and tumble.
Every teacher at my school
every song, every book
save a sacred few
screams at me that God is dead
hope is gone, and truth isn't true

your kingdom come
your will be done

in this burned out,
cynical world

for you surpass the
weak understanding of man
and the foolish philosophies
of the bitter-hearted

but I know:
I need you

your kingdom come
your will be done

amidst my conflict and confusion
you're a map in the wild
lamp in the dark
roof over my head
boots on my feet
money in my pocket
for a  cup of tea

you warm my bones
fill me to overflow

in every cell of my body,
your kingdom come
in every word, in every thought,
your will be done.

Sudden gold and barricades

in some moments of clarity,
light, fire and sudden gold,
I'm fearlessly certain
(and certainly fearless)

lenses focus- sharp image
cold fog lifts, swept away

and I can see the mountain ranges

underneath the brilliant sky,
blinking like a newborn
in the light

life vibrates within me

but today I feel the heavy clouds
press, nothing to arrest my doubts
rainfall, and old walls
barricade my heart

I wish you were here
we would laugh at disaster
never running from a fight
finding adventure
breathing the danger

vibrating with life.

the truth will set you free but it might hurt.

All I have is truth
(and it won't be still)
it seethes and breathes
within me
in a most unsettling way

and you are walking
quite slow towards tomorrow
(It's not wrong to be afraid)

but my name isn't Comfort,
(sorry)
my eyes are not gray.
My presence is a gunshot
stampede startle.
I don't know how to soothe and
smooth away

Some days,
I hardly feel human.
I'm compelled and pressed
squeezing my chest
are the words I try to withhold

all I am is honesty,
bright blue sparks in the electric evening
sunset out of sight

wash

Torn up and wadded

worn from overuse

these thoughts are antiquity 

Wash me

my palms

underneath the universe

my shoulders ache 

the sorrow of knowledge

the bitter weight

Wash me

drums in the Temples

pound in my temples

heartache from religion

headache from philosophy

Wash me

turn the tide

of snowballing cynicism

turn the tide

sweep me out to sea

wash me like a newborn

in the saltwater

I've seen oceans in your eyes

I know you can

turn the tide

Free(fall)

Father-God
wise, wise, whimsical
kind, and kind of
streaming down window panes
and faces
in morning glory

holding fast,
I'm steeled for impact
Father-God is the plane
that has carried me here,
the pilot that pushes me
free fall, fall, fall
and also the parachute
(rainbow hued)

I'm sailing through,
the Sky

painting by Kelly Green

you are the stars to me

love like a burning
so bright-hot
it's almost cold

pain like a hot iron
loss leaves me
breathless with sorrow

something vital
is catching,
some space,
fractured and rasping
sticking

like the words
glued to my throat

all I can do is watch

while you, my pheonix
rise in flight
ready for far-flung (even far-fetched?)
shining like a thousand
points of light
not gaudy like glitter
or cold as gold
but grand and brave
mystical and wise

you are the stars to me

pirate/peterpan

on rooftops and
meadow, meander
while wander

up to the treetops,
my heart stops,
i freefall

down to the wet banks
i'm sliding on into

and you are a pirate
affixed to non-violence,
you are quite ruthless
on searches for truth

i think that you were
Peter Pan, once upon
a story - a long time ago

or maybe you just
knew him,
and from him learned
of whimsy and wonder
warm weather color
adventure like ice-water,
shocking-to-life

//fierce in your living//
an ocean of knowlege
cannot douse the fires
lighting your eyes

you are a poet
a wise tree-lover
an indian paintbrush
a light

Sorry

the lies burn like a coals
beneath my ribs
hot and unsettling
unsteady breath

just months ago
I had fragile skin
you could hear my heart beat
when I walked in

where did I lose my trust?
in the sand pits
in the darkness
in the moments
where the ones I believed
called me a rebel
runaway
thief

time eroding
wearing me thick

like snail shells
and tree rings
circularly widening
trap the pain inside of me

burning core-
like earth's center
I'm a building
collapsing inward
internalized arrows
eternalized puncture

I don't want to crush you
in the rubble
I don't want to burn you
in the fire

but my pretense
cuts like a blade of ice
shrapnel and stinging tears
I never meant to lock you out
I never meant to swallow fear

And I'm sorry.

prisons and accolades

I go back to my poetry

rehearse those words-

Remembering 

who it is I am 

I'm inside those lines

diamond mines, I hope.

if you love them, you love me

those words are my best moments

my worst days 

my prisons and accolades 

I'm lost and far-afield at times

simply dazed and undermined 

filtering the barterworld

barraged and falter-find

My own words remind

pen and paper/ tie that binds

rock of ages, scribbled pages 

I hold on with steeltight grip 

the Truth, like springtime 

hard to find

even harder to remain

I in you ~ you in me

scrubbing out my

orphan stains

Sharps

My thoughts are ringlets
separate and smoky
-this twining toxicity-
delicate, obscure brutality

don't send me in there
alone
I can't face my
sister's bones

I look at photographs
of my pastel past
but can't forget the barbed-wire words
coming like echoes
through these bloody halls

I saw hell
inside those walls

Can you really
raise the dead?
ghosts of yesterday
haunt my head

I sleep on dust-
my desert bed
but I've heard whispers
of wine and bread

blooming trees!
green, greener, greenest
redemption
for things lost
(long ago)

Can you really heal me?

Here I am.
fragments
at your feet

Joy

i will be your somersaulter
morning time
colder water

my clothes are damp
from dew and delight
choosing joy
choosing life

silver slivers
sunlit shivers
running paths and
rolling rivers

I will not be forgot!

giddy thoughts
hidden spots
slipping on the mossy rocks

I cannot be lost!

Heavy breath
sun and sweat

this work is never toil

my hands bleed. bruises
and scraped knees
dirt in fingernails
moss in my hair

i will carve out
a path
in this wilderness

i will set these stones

i will sing the sorrow
straight out of your heart
i will make this place
a home