💫

 

If I’m reborn as a star

I hope you are shining 

next to me 

Wherever you are,

in this, 

or any lifetime

know that I love you

and I will love you

with a love that keeps expanding 

like the universe 

float

 My arms ache 

from holding you.

My heart aches 

from holding you. 

This love is heavy, 

but it makes me float 

battle

I don’t know when

I’ve ever fought this hard 

I would face dragons and 

walk through fire, 

to feed you the food that comes from my bones 

-when breastfeeding is a battle 

The days before birth

 Stuck between frames

Between planes 

Between panes 

Of glass 

I am in the skipped beat 

The tripped feet 

The moment I cannot 

Move forward or pull back 

(Being here is stretching me)

But suddenly 

Time will snatch me forward 

I will tumble through the doorway

with a roar 

And for the first time 

I will see your face 

Charlotte Street

Stone and ivy

Deep green in magnolia leaves 

I’m walking down Charlotte street 

Wrought iron

Lace against brick

Under the shade of the oak trees

Whose roots lift the sidewalk 

Without a second glance 

The birds gather

At the blown glass feeders

The seeds scatter 

Charlotte: you’re a beauty 

You know how to move me 

The summer sweat 

The breeze that soothes me 

Yellow doors 

And wrap around porches 

Steeped in the shade 

The murmur of voices 

Giving me iced tea, 

Slow down feelings 

My mind drifts 

Muggy morning dreams of you

Charlotte you’re a beauty 

through and through 

Quarantine evening

On the front porch

Eating berries and cream

A June evening, 

out of a dream 

The sky is velvet 

It’s black and blue 

The windchimes whispering 

Give me this moment 

And let it last 

Let me have it to hold when it is past 

Can I keep it in my pocket 

All round and glowing

My fingers to find it 

On days when it’s snowing 

my perfect marble moment 

By now I have a thousand 

Because what Lana said is true 

Heaven is a place on earth with you 

Quarantine morning

Lying in bed 

The first morning murmurs 

Open the window and turn off the fan 

I’m up first

And my coffee grounds bubble 

It’s called blooming 

When you let them breathe

Kiss me in the kitchen 

Making eggs and toast 

Bare feet on the tile 

It’s warm enough now 

And while you cook 

I check the garden 

Run my hands through the kale 

Kiss the sweet peas 

Whisper to the peonies 

Good morning 

May

Give me the the morning as soft as a peach 

Out of bed- into the garden

I’m up with the sun 

Watching my seedlings stretching and reach

It’s May & I’m dreaming in dahlias 

April 2020

Each of us has our grief, from canceled weddings and baby showers, canceled trips, missing our mothers, missing our sisters, missing our friends. For some there is death too. Sometimes death without goodbye. Sometimes death alone in a hospital bed. It’s all real, this sorrow we are swimming in. I am witness to the darkness, someone sobbing on the other line as I deliver some fresh devastation, with no face I can to match with their grief. 

Each of us alone, we are swimming in this sorrow together. 

Lion

Little lion

I carry you with me

You bring me light 

At midnight 

You bring me courage 

When I’m shaking in the wind

One foot in front of the next

I’m brave when they need me 

I’m blazing like the sun

for you 

my little lion 

Brave

He tells me I’m brave 

but I can do anything 

when I know I come home to these arms 

February

Something about the morning sun
on my tired face
on the front porch
in the cold air

I feel the stirrings
of something like hope

I sit in my warm memories
of papaya on the top deck
in the jungle
of the waves that tossed me
head over heels on the black sand

I close my eyes
the promise of springtime
it makes me ache
It feels something
like hope

7 weeks

In becoming a mother
I fear becoming my mother
losing myself
maybe on purpose
or by accident

A prisoner to the life I’ve created
my old self only seen
in whispers in the wind,
in the light that winks through
the crack in the door.
The deep murmurs in dreams,
a glimpse beneath dark waters.

I cannot lose her,
the wild woman.

She is life itself.